"Rose, you have to shave your legs."
"What do you mean, you accidentally fell in the pond and went swimming?"
"Once you have a boyfriend, you'll act differently."
"(Laughing) You're probably the only 15 year old girl in town who would touch that (nightcrawler)."
"She's a tomboy."
"A late bloomer."
None of these remarks ever bothered me much. I sort of thrived off of them, actually. Unbeknownst to those who spoke them, they fed my inner rebellion. You see, I had two categories in my mind. One was labeled "Dumb" and the other was "Awesome/Fun/Waybetterthandumb". In the former category I filed things like bras, shaving, makeup, sex, tights, dresses, and the color pink. The latter included but was not limited to: fishing, camping, bows and arrows, climbing, mud, creepy crawlies, snakes, and beating boys at arm wrestling.
The various claims and hopes that I would change as I grew older only encouraged the fire of defiance I was continually building. Me? Change? Never. Change meant that I would become something else. Someone else. Different. Foreign. Adult.
I didn't want to be different. Different than Awesome? That would be Dumb. Therefore I will not be it. Welcome to the simplicity of my mind. My conviction remained unshaken.
I continued in this way for years, eventually slowing in my enthusiasm for life and reaching a point of gross stagnation. It became obvious to me that change of some sort was needed if I was ever to reclaim my old vigor. Still, the what-do-I-do's and how-do-I-do-it's of this mysterious transformation continually eluded me. How to change when change itself has been loathed for so long? Are there perhaps different categories, different types of change? How to find the right one?
Then along came...Him. The one who took one look at me and determined to marry me immediately. Only, it wasn't how I thought it would be. He didn't want the different me, the one I had determined never to be. The one who had a boyfriend and shaved her legs and cared about decent human hygiene. He just wanted...me. Dirty, ridiculous, unkempt, stubborn, unladylike me. And oh, how the Old Me loved him! I showered him with affection in the only forms I knew...mainly by demanding piggyback rides and putting frogs on his head.
And he STILL loved me. :P
Needless to say, I married him at once. He was so much more Awesome than the most Awesome thing I had ever imagined. He redefined everything in my life, becoming a sort of new category in my mind that superseded the old categories. Everything in the old "Awesome" category now becomes MORE awesome when filed under "Tim/Husband/MostAwesomestEver". Most of the things in the "Dumb" category become awesome ONLY as they apply to Tim (*ahem*, shaving, cute dresses, etc.). If the previously Dumb things fall outside of the Tim category, they are still just as Dumb as they ever were.
I have changed more in the past few years than I ever thought possible. It has been painful, oh-so painful at times. And yet, all of it has been so, so good. My life has bloomed into something beautiful. Flowers came out of the mud, so to speak. And I am the same, only different.
Thank you, My Love, for loving me better than any human ever has. Happy anniversary month!! Many more mushy posts to come, I'm sure. You have been warned. ;D