Kevin



Life and Death. Life is generally preferred. Death...well, we don't want to think about it mostly. Yet in order to sustain my own life, I must take life. To put it a less palatable way; I must bring death. It's interesting to think about.

About a week ago, I ended the lives of two living, breathing, flapping, quacking ducks. For someone who had never before killed anything larger than a very large squash bug, or perhaps a very large carrot, this was dramatically different. The sheer force, and the solidity of will that it took to end the life of a warm blooded creature, was immense. Once you begin, you end. There is no faltering. No hesitation. No backing out.

I like to think they didn't mind me bringing about their demise. They had a good life, and a swift end, intended for a good purpose. It's not such a bad way to go, really. I have seen many a good okra plant glory and rejoice, even at the ending of their days. They did what they were meant to do. Lived as they should. Died well.

I named the ducks Harold and Kevin. Because I think everybody deserves a name. Even the ducks that were only in my possession in living form for about fifteen minutes. Kevin will be our Thanksgiving dinner this coming Sunday, and I'm very hopeful that he will be extremely delicious. I found this recipe, and I think it just might do him justice! I am grateful for the life he gave; the life I took for myself and my children.

I'm not as grateful for the 8,437,652 feathers that are currently strewn around my back stoop.

Even so. It was a good experience. A bit grisly. A bit gruesome. But the duck's death connected me to life in a way I never knew before. It was warm, heavy, bloody, and real. It wasn't Nintendo's "Duck Hunt", with a virtual bird dog giggling at me when I missed the shot. It wasn't a cute little boneless, skinless package at the grocery store. It was a duck. And then it was a duck without a head. And soon it will be dinner.

I'm going to uproot and mercilessly dismember all of the carrots from my garden and put them through the pressure canner pretty soon. Hopefully I can do a post on that! Sorry for the lack of updates, it's been busy!



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Fat fatty fats

I love fat. I don't want to BE fat, of course. Who does? Fortunately, thus far, I have found that consuming copious amounts of good, pure animal fats has done very little to increase my waistband.

Lack of exercise, on the other hand.....ahem. But that's a different story. ;P

I love eating fats. They make me feel more...solid. Strong, but on the inside. I've always been a bit, shall we say...wispy. "Petite", they used to call me as a child. I'm about the size of a small 12 year old, given the fact that I kind of stopped growing when I was 12. In two of my pregnancies I have struggled to gain and keep weight on, and now that I am breastfeeding my third son (18 months postpartum), I find I am only about oooohhhhhh seven-ish pounds heavier than I would prefer to be.

It's the boobs, you guys. It's all in the boobs. Seriously.

ANYWAY. All that to say, don't be afraid to eat fat! That is to say, good fat. Good fat doesn't make you fat. If your body can digest it, process it, and poop it out, it's not going to stick to you and cause you pain. If it's rancid, adulterated, or otherwise toxic, it's going to get stuck in all kinds of places and wreak havoc on your poor innards. Stick with the good stuff. Home-churned raw butter. Self-rendered tallow. Bacon grease from pastured bacon. Yeeeeaaaahhhhh baby.

No canola oil, you guys. Just don't. Don't. No.

Butter. Tallow. Bacon grease. Lard. Oh yes.

That's right, I said it. Lard. Don't be afraid of your porcine friend! Laaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrd. Frrrrrrriiiiiieeeeend. Truuuuuuuussssst Meeeeeeeeee.....(are you hypnotized yet?...)

Fats make food worth eating. And hence, life worth living.

My logic is undeniable.

I love my logic, don't you?

So. Now that you're all ready to dive into the wonderful world of delicious, savory fats, here's a quick tutorial on rendering said animal adiposity.

First, get some fat from your local butcher. You can try to be all fancy by asking them for "tallow" or "suet", but they might just look at you and be confused until you say "er...you know...the extra FAT.", at which point they might just say "ooooohhhhhh the extra fat! yeah sure, here, have some for free!"

Or they might charge you a dollar for like ten pounds of the stuff. Or they might charge $1 per pound. I dunno. It seems to be sort of arbitrarily decided in my neck of the woods. Maybe butchers have frequent mood swings?

Step One! Chop it up with a big knife. Preferably a heavy knife that you can really lean into. If the fat has been frozen like mine, it can take some effort to break up.

Step Two! Toss it in a crock pot. Cover and turn the pot to LOW.

Step Three! Leave it for 8 hours or so. You might check on it every now and then, but I usually just leave mine overnight.

Step Four! Once it's all nice and melty and the bits are brownish (I'm so technical, y'all), turn the crockpot off and let it sit and cool for a while.

Step Five! Strain it using a clean kitchen towel. I usually strain into a good stainless steel pot. Don't ever strain it into plastic. Newbie Me might have done that a few years back when I was just starting out with this stuff. (Shhhh. We don't speak of Newbie Me anymore. Plastic melts real fast, in case you didn't know.)

Make sure that your oil is a good temperature for this before you do it. It should be warm enough to stay liquid, but not hot enough to burn. You're going to want to squeeze your straining cloth, so if it's burning your hands, it's too hot.

Squeeze all the goodness out of the crispy bits and toss those in the trash or the compost or whatever. Some people say to eat them, and call them "cracklins", but I'm pretty sure those people are wrong. I have never been tempted to taste these gloppy, brown, weird looking remains, and I'm pretty sure "cracklin'" is actually made from a roasted pig's skin. Pig's skin = crackling. Leftover bits from making tallow = soggy and gross.

Step Six! Transfer strained tallow to a clean mason jar and affix a lid to the top. Label your richness and gaze at it in satisfaction.

I don't know exactly how long this lasts, but it is very shelf stable. I know I've kept mine at room temperature for at least a month and never had a problem with it going bad. If you're worried, of course you can always keep it in the fridge, although it will get rather harder in there. Your tallow should solidify as it cools and be a lovely, soft creamy white.

I use mine for sautéing, deep frying, and seasoning my pans mostly (do it properly and you will never have that first pancake stick ever again!). You could use it in baking, but I would recommend having some strong spices in whatever you're baking because it does have a definite beefy flavor to it. There is a specific type of lard that is supposed to be good for baking ("leaf lard", I think), and there is a very specific way to render it very carefully and slowly and specifically so that it is almost entirely devoid of piggy flavor, but I have yet to attempt anything like that. ^_^

Good luck in all your adventures, friends!



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Frittering

Ever wanted something sweet for breakfast that wasn't necessarily bad for you, but not necessarily a smoothie? Me too. Enter the Apple Fritter. No sugar added, y'all. The apple doesn't need any help!

First, get yourself some apples. Try for local, organic, awesomeness, but if they're half rotten and full of worms like mine were (ugh), just go to the damn store and get some Honeycrisp.

 Ahhhh, Honeycrisp! Our forbidden love is so delicious! Or maybe that's just you. You are delicious. Mmmm.

Ahem. Now. Wash and slice them apples and take out the middle bits. I got these handy little things last year intending them to be for the purpose of cutting school lunches and snacks into interesting shapes. They happen to perfectly fit the inside portion of most apples. There's even a star-shaped one (that I couldn't find today, lol)!



My kids love to do this part. Today I let Ezekiel do it because Isaiah tends to snap the apple slices into little bits in his enthusiasm and I wanted some nice whole fritters to show you. Isaiah helped with the next part!



Grab a small mixing bowl and throw in some cornmeal and flour. I probably used around a cup of each (I'm sorry for not measuring. I am. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm rebellious that way). Then you need a dash each of baking powder and salt (probably between 1/2-1 teaspoon here, but definitely not more than a teaspoon, especially on the salt).

Next pour in some leftover kombucha (you could also use beer/ale/whatever). I used maybe 1/4 cup, but this will depend on the strength of your kombucha. Next I put in probably 1/4 - 1/2 cup of milk. You can use all kombucha/beer, but my kombucha is crazy strong right now, more like vinegar...so I opted to mix it with something mild. You could also use just milk, and put in maybe a little bit of lemon juice, vinegar or yogurt or something else tangy to give it an extra kick.

Now. If you want to be really good and Weston-A.-Price-ish, like I...erm...try to be when I'm not in a hurry (ha!), you could prepare this batter the night before and let it sit to break down all those nasty phytates and whatnot in the flour. If you're in a hurry and didn't think about how you might want apple fritters for breakfast when it was the night before, and you suddenly really want apple fritters right now, just let it sit for five minutes or so to let the batter thicken.

While the batter is doin' it's thang, get out your lovely home-rendered tallow (or lard or other suitable-for-high-heat frying fat). Start it melting in a small pan. I used a small pan because I don't have a lot of tallow left right now, and the oil does have to be a certain depth for what we're going to do. It means I have to fry them one at a time, but tha's no biggie.

 

 

Thaaarrrr she goes! Ahhh, fat. It's a beautiful thing. I'd say you want the depth of the oil to be at least equal to the thickness of your apple slices. Mine were about a centimeter.

Leave the oil to get nice and hot and check on your batter. You want it to be fairly runny, but thick enough to stick to the apples. Not as runny as cake batter, but not as thick as muffin batter. You'll get the feel for it, don't worry!

Now you'll have to hurry and wash your grabby tongs that were still in the sink from the last time you made apple fritters (ssshhhh!). Get that first apple slice all covered in batter and drop it gently in (splashing hurts). Once it's brown (DON'T BURN IT DON'T BURN IT DON'T BURN IT!!!!!!), turn it over and enjoy the fantastic smell of melty apple filling your kitchen. Set it on a plate with paper towels to soak up any dripping. Start the next fritter before you bite into the first. There's plenty of time. Don't get ahead of yourself.

 Unless you have little kids grabbing frantically for the first one. Then you might have to come up with a new strategy to get that first, luscious, heavenly bite.

By the way, if you DO have a good strategy for keeping grubby, grabby gremlin hands off of the first fritter, let me know!

I never get the first fritter.

:P

Make sure you keep the oil nice and hot while you're frying. Nothing worse than a soggy fritter! Don't let it get TOO hot, either. Nothing worse than a burnt fritter.

Most of all, be enthusiastic, let the kids help, and have fun! Pretty much my advice on life right there. ;)

I was going to take a picture of the finished product for you, all stacked up in a neat little tower, but...

Well...

We ate them instead.

Gardenish things

 My garden is somewhat puny this year. I failed to prepare the beds last fall due to various circumstances, and it shows. I have hopes that my compost will flourish (isn't that a lovely thought! flourishing compost!) this year so that I can greatly improve the quality of my soil by next year. However, I am currently having issues with a tree that is trying to grow its roots UPwards into my compost pile. Thus effectively ruining/stealing/using up all of the good stuff at the bottom and cementing it to the ground with thousands of tiny rooty tendrils. Thus ruining my life. Every time I try to turn the pile it becomes a battle involving many curse words and a machete.

Lemme tell you. Gardening in Oklahoma is like trying to squeeze life out of a rock. A really, really stubborn, clay-filled, pest-infested rock. As a good friend of mine once said, the environment here is "hostile", at best! Still, I'm determined to coax something out of the barrenness. At least I got my seedlings started early for once. :P

When the okra is puny, I know we're in trouble...

Also, please forgive the ridiculous amount of weeds in my garden this year. I've been meaning to mulch it for ages now. I should have done it months ago so that it could have retained more of the lovely rain we got!

Beautiful cabbage!

Devastated cabbage!

Diatomaceous Earth to the rescue!

See what I mean about hostile? I went to check on my potato plants the other day, for instance. They were growing big and beautiful and perky just the day before. I walked up to this:

One. Day. Y'all. This is one day's worth of total devastation. Not a single leaf made it out unscathed. I was almost left without any leaves at all. And I couldn't for the life of me find the critter that did it. From what I've read, this is the work of the infamous Colorado potato beetle, but I have yet to have the bastard show his face.

At least some things are doing well...

Ginger (left), and Egyptian Walking Onions (right)

Garlic...

 

Carrots...

Blackberries!

 I'm having my first ever truly successful run with tomatoes this year, oddly enough. Maybe they're hogging all the fertility. Hmm... Next thing on my list: learn to can!! Oh, and buy a pressure canner. Right. I guess that would be an important step. :P

monsters...

I'm excited about this pepper plant...it's supposed to be spicy, but not TOO spicy.

The romaine has done well...time to gather seeds, and feed the rest to the rabbits!

The mustard is also done...time to gather seeds and either turn them into mustard, or save them for next year...

 

I planted a mix of kale, Brussels sprouts, and broccoli in this pot...I figured it would go crazy since kale is usually so easy to grow. I was going to feed it to the rabbits since I despise kale, but so far it hasn't grown more than 2 leaves per plant, and those are being vigorously gnawed upon by some sort of insect.

A stray brassica made it to the regular garden bed and is doing much better than its siblings...

Sorrel...if you haven't tried it, you should! So citrusy and delightful!

Sage and oregano...I think...I lose track of the mints...

Trying out a few new herbs to fill in some of the blank spaces...this purple basil smelled fabulous, and the one on the right is dill, which I love.

I have no idea what to do with chives, but this one caught my fancy...

Something lemony...I don't remember...they were on sale. :P

 

The boys's's's' (grammar? phooey) strawberry plants are making babies like there's no tomorrow...goooo strawberries!

 

I'm having trouble keeping the ants off of my purslane. They seem to be sucking the juices from it, and it's not really growing. I dusted it with Diatomaceous earth (my very best friend in times of desperation), and I see lots of teeny little baby purslanes coming up, so I have hope!

 

The cucumbers are going mad...

 

Baby cucumber...isn't it funny!

"Doug! Grab hold, I'll help you up!"

"(Panting) I don't know if I can do it, Karl. Go on without me. Save yourself."

"You're gonna make it man, just don't let go!"

 

 

So...many... 

Cucumbers! ...Oh, and this baby musk melon, which is adorable.

 

Celery...I didn't think it would make it!

Scarlet runner beans...that seem to be happy making zero beans...

My pride and joy...everyone, this is my Marshmallow plant. It barely survived last year, but has come back this year with every intention of conquering the world. Isn't it beautiful?!

That's about all this post can handle, folks! Tune in next time as the war against clay and beetle continues to wage in the wastes of the Midwest...


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